The Official Ranking of the Best (and Worst) Easter Eggs You’ll Find This Year
Below, you’ll find some pretty weighty confessions and controversial opinions.
Reader discretion is advised
First and foremost, I must confess that I still hunt Easter Eggs. I refuse to feel a bit of shame for this.
I come from a large, tightly-knit family, and cousins my age abound, and this certainly makes for a fun-filled Easter Egg hunt.
However, the reality is that, since we have gotten a bit older and a lot more competitive, the ante has been upped in our Easter Egg hunts.
I’m just saying, if it were an Olympic Event, my family would mow down the competition with the ferocity of a pack of lions.
No joke. We take no prisoners.
Basically, the rest of the year serves as a time to train up for this event. I consider it our family Hunger Games, though the odds very frequently are not in my favor.
Now that I have given you my official resume and credentials, I feel that you can now trust me as the Eggspert in this area: the ranking of Easter Eggs.
I have long held that all Easter Eggs are NOT created equal. To allow you to see this, below you will find a ranking, best to worst, of the Easter Eggs you can find.
Enjoy, and may the eggs be ever in your favor.
1. Prize Egg
|· Contains money||· Dangerous|
|· Bragging rights||· May cost you an arm, a leg, or an ankle|
|· Entitles one to all rights and privileges pertaining thereunto the title “EGG CHAMPION”||· Must fight way to egg|
2. Change Egg
|· Contains money||· Not the prize egg|
|· Easily identifiable||· Change clinking within could be pennies- misleading|
3. Unmelted Chocolate Egg
|· Uhh… Chocolate?!||· Not the prize egg|
|· Tasty- able to be saved and eaten over the course of the day (and week)||· No money|
|· It’s a survivor of a fight with GA heat- just like you||· May induce sugar rush, beauty marks (pimples)|
|· Will replenish your energy following the fight|
4. Melted Chocolate Egg
|· Still chocolate and still yummy||· Not the prize egg|
|· You can drink it (you’ll be thirsty by the end of the battle)||· Messy (particularly an issue for those young small children in nice Easter smocks)|
|· You may not have a straw available|
5. Sweet Tart (or similar candy) Egg
Fight me on this- tangy candy, i.e, Starburst, Skittles, and Sour Patch kids have no place inside an egg.
|· Can’t really melt||· Not the prize egg|
|· Far inferior to chocolate|
|· Gets a funny taste if you leave it in a bag with other candy for too long|
6. Boiled Egg
This is popular opinion, but it certainly is not MY opinion. I love boiled eggs, so everyone else’s aversion to this type worked in my favor.
|· Bountiful harvest for those of us who love this type of egg||· Not the prize egg|
|· Protein||· May give you salmonella if it’s basked in the Georgia sun for too long|
|· Carries into the post-Easter week for a lovely snack|
|· Fun to decorate!!|
7. Last Year’s Eggs
|· Can be used as ammunition should someone else try to reach the prize egg before you.||· Definitely not the prize egg|
|· Likely bacteria-infested|
If you have a problem with these rankings, please feel free to shoot me an email and I will set up a time and place to really teach you a lesson in Egg-onomics.
The Egg Olympics is a hallowed tradition for families across the nation, and if nothing else, it serves as an eggs-tra incentive to stay in shape throughout the year.
Happy Hunting, folks!